Week 5

SURVIVAL TRAINING SCENARIO #5

BLOODY HELL!!! The Queen Mum invites you for Blood Sausage and Wine and you’re no fool to stand her up. The afternoon is a delightful mix of anecdotes and youtube videos… EXCEPT FOR THE ZOMBIE RATS IN THE WINE CELLAR!

The entire staff of Buckingham Palace has been drinking the wine, which we all know is full of dead rats on a good day (but in this case, ZOMBIE RATS), and it’s only a matter of time before they start to turn into walking corpses and graduate from SAUSAGE AND MASH to FLESH AND BRAINS!

You’re on your own, and The Queen’s withered old-lady arms can’t lift a shotgun.

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THE ZOMBIE THREAT IN BUCKINGHAM PALACE WHILE MAINTAINING YOUR TOP-NOTCH FOREIGN RELATIONS SKILLS?

Winner: Jim H.

“Oh, Your highness, I’d love to tour the armory!” “you’ve never made boiling oil you say? well, it’s a little like tea, just a wee bit larger and more face melty” “That’s right, it sounds like the unwashed masses are heading this way, you stir and I’ll pull the lever” “Is that real armor? I must confess I’ve always wanted to try armor on… sweet let’s both try.” “Yes it does tend to slow us down, but if we stand really still… yes, your highness, like in scooby doo…”

Runner Up: Steph
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“I’m not going to play it like that. I’m not going to take this.” Says the queen. Turns out the Queen has really strong Kegal muscles after numerous millenia of boredom flexing them on the throne. She holds the shot gun up with her kegal muscles while I lure the zombie rats and zombie servants to a convenient location with the blood sausage. If the Queen is holding a shot gun in her cooch in front of me, I think that pretty much puts us on comfortable enough footing that international relations are safe.”

Honorable Mention: Paul R.

“We start out in her bed doing our Obama and G. W. Bush impressions about to sip on our fresh glass of wine when one of the royal guards breaks through the door complaining about how there guns don’t work (but, come on, we all know already and he’s saying it like its a new thing). Looking at his half eaten arm and the blood that couldn’t be all his on his jacket I know exactly whats going on. I hop out of bed in full zombie killing attire seeing as I always dress to kill. I take out my pocket ax to send him back to the old country but as I cock back he pukes up on the royal carpet! The hurt of the queens face after seeing this is worse then when the guard came in. I have to act fast. Swift chop at the neck and the guard goes down. The queen say “more are coming!!” as I run jump over the bed and pick her up in my arm all in one motion then take my last two steps and do another running jump crashing through the window and onto the horse that is always waiting for me. As we go off into the sun set I tell the queen about a great carpet cleaner in Hopkins.”