Week 4

SURVIVAL TRAINING SCENARIO #4

You have been traveling with a MYSTERIOUS COMPANION for a month now while AVOIDING ZOMBIES. He/She is a tough survivor, however there is no romantic spark between the two of you.

The world population is dwindling and it looks like it’s up to the few survivors to get DOWN AND DIRTY and ensure the survival of the human race.

While seducing your companion, you suddenly remember that you had a GOOD, CHRISTIAN UPBRINGING, and cannot consummate this relationship before a proper marriage. Plus, ZOMBIES ARE AT THE FRONT DOOR!

HOW WILL YOU REPOPULATE THE EARTH WHILE STAYING TRUE TO THE CONSTRUCTS OF YOUR FUNDAMENTALIST DOGMA WHILE KEEPING THE ZOMBIE HORDE AT BAY?

JIM MCDONIEL – WINNER
Romans. Knights. The Plague. These all pale in comparison to the greatest challenge in all Christendom: sex. Fortunately, there is a time honored Christian tradition as old as the religion itself. It’s called, “Confession.” Essentially, you do what you’re going to do anyway, feel bad about it later, and then go you talk to a priest. So, I will take my MYSTERIOUS COMPANION upstairs via the retractable ladder (we’ve already destroyed the staircase to make the second floor unreachable by zombie means), do what must be done, and then confess my sins to Father Brian before lopping off his undead head with my Shaolin spade.

SANDY HOPKINS – RUNNER UP
My mysterious manly companion has round-housed zombie heads, slammed revolving doors on undead hordes, and stared rabid corpses into submission,- but the last remaining zombie has trapped us inside a fire-proof bomb shelter. “How will we kill the zombie AND repopulate the earth!” I cry, “it’s EVIL and I’m CHRISTIAN-CONSERVATIVE!!!” “Relax,” he says, “I’m the son of Chuck Norris- neither of you can resist my fortitude!” Instantly, I bear 100 healthy babies, we escape, and the zombie is locked inside the shelter. Chuck Jr. takes a whiz on it for good measure, and it’s blown to smithereens.